Music's never like it used to be. It's more important part of my life now. There isn't a day without listening to it. A moment I'd have to say. Or maybe it's just the fact that I've been smoking a lot these days.
I used to be the preacher, telling people to not smoke alone. Telling people that smoking should be a group activity. But, now it's me smoking alone. Listening to the music. Traveling to places, no one will ever see. Patterns interweave, colors smother around, shapes inter-collide, and the mind just take turns.

It's trying to fill a void in life. But what void? I grew up a normal child. My parents always loved me. I was never bullied and I always had a few friends around to talk with. But there's a void. I dont know what I am looking for.

Smoking always seemed as a cool act. When other people talked about it. They made it sound like it was the biggest achievement they ever made. Heck, I was among those people. They say it's never physically addictive. And it's not. But it can get you psychologically. When there's a void. Smoking seems a good option.

Music . now seems to get even stranger. Buddha Bar, that's what am listening to. Collective tracks of weird beats, chill music they say it is. But I was never into trance. It seemed very strange to me.

Since I got fired from my second job, things seem to tumble down. Working two jobs made life easy. At least for me. I was so busy the entire day that weeks seemed to pass by in seconds. I had no free time. And no free time, always meant no alone time. See when am free, I feel alone. I dont have anything to do. Walking amongst a group of strangers on the street. Going inside a bookstore and looking at the titles from the psychology section and getting creeped out by Bold titles flying at you that said stuffs like, "Why is my life not perfect?", "Getting out of depression", "How to find your true love", "How to be Happy". I ran away.

Maybe they were the true reality. Maybe they are just stuffs to make you feel incomplete. And who made the rule that you need to have a set of elements to make your life complete?

Blogging in itself has become more of a commercial thing it seems. People posts pictures and write stuff that other people find easy to digest. They posts jokes. They post news. What is it about? Does it say something about you? Or does it only increase the number of people watching your page?>!

I tend to scroll down and up in my phone looking at the names of people whom I can get the stuff from. I scroll down, trying to press the dial button and asking for something to smoke tonight. But I restrain, why?

Why do I prefer working more rather than having more free time?! Does it say something about my life that seems more mundane than the working environment? or does it say something about me?!