I gazed towards the window, half ajar, it was letting in a cool breeze which struck against my forehead faintly enough to keep it dry and sweat free.There was a pause in our conversation -normally I would've brought up some other topics to discuss or I would've forced myself to think of something to talk about- but that day I kept on gazing at the window. She brought me back to my consciousness (from my wild imaginations) with her "you've-changed-so-much-speech"; the change was in behaviour ofcourse.
I looked at her.Her smoky brown eyes neatly outlined by an eye-liner were staring straight at me as she spoke.I tried to make an eye-contact, so as to show her that I was listening but couldn't do so. She looked worried and sure she must be- for I really had changed, I just couldn't care anymore. But somehow during the conversation I managed to squeeze in a smile.I held out my hand to touch her but in mid-air I changed my mind and pulled back my hand in a quick repulsion to scratch my cheek instead.
She'd stopped talking and was still staring at me, as if to find an answer. I pulled my head back, looked around- people were busy eating or talking to themselves in rows and rows of tables and chairs neatly kept in juxtaposition. I was trying to ignore her but she kept staring at me.
I finally spoke up.I said I was sorry and hadn't meant to make her feel left-out and then made up a story on how things weren't going well with me for the past few days. She seemed to believe it- She still had that innocence on her face- the innocence, that I once fell for but now nothing seemed to affect me, not even her cute talks, her warm hands that she wrapped around my arms when we walked, not even her perfect lips, not even her smoky brown eyes...
After finishing up my fake story I fell silent again. She stared at me again, with a faint smile on her face,"Is this it? We'll just sit here without talking?"She said. I instantly put a wide grin on my face as if to hide my inner thoughts and made a reply which I don't think would've impressed anyone.I plainly said,"So what should we talk about?" With a smirk on her face she just shook her head sideways- as of pitiness or hopelessness.
I tried to divert the intensity of the situation by commenting on the food and kept all my attetion towards the stiff cappuccino cake that I repeatedly tried to cut through.
Why was I like this? Why now? Why was I not feeling happy and satisfied even when I was with her? Four or five years back I would've given up everything for just being with her but now...why this apathy?
Somehow I always find myself to be of this nature- to desparately want to have something or even someone and once I got them, I couldn't care less about them. Why? Why is that so?
I remember filling up pages and pages about how much I wanted to be with her and what she might be thinking of me. But now, the tables have turned and so have I it seems.
The questionable gortesqueness of this situation truly couldn't be determined by any men.
Throughout the whole "after theatre" lunch thing, we (well, I to be precise) only talked about surface things. She talked about everything that was going on with her life and asked me what was going on with mine. I replied, "Everything's just normal. Things are just the way they used to be."
I dont know why but she took this reply pretty badly and complained me of not telling her everything. Sure I was surprised. I'd spoken nothing but the truth. Everything indeed had been normal to me. Was it the plainness of the answer, that she replied to or was it just her disappointment from what she'd been expecting from my reply, that she reacted to?
I could've spiced up my reply and garnished it with a few lies. But what for? I couldn't care less. And I don't take account of all the petty things that happens in my life-F.Y.I. Unlike her. I don't know which of my friends went to party where. I don't care how a friend of mine behaves with some other friend of mine.
Of course I could've simply told her that I just didn't care, but I didn't. That's the reason why I am among the "GOOD GUYS". To keep up to her expectations, I elaborated my reply by salting it with a few references of how things were just the same since the day we'd last met. But she still didn't seem fully content.
I reached out and held her hand this time to gain some respect and affection that I'd been continuously losing since the last half-an-hour or so. But even though I was holding her soft,warm hand gently with both of my hands, I kept gazing at the window again.And I knew for sure..I was falling out of love...I just couldn't control it.

A normal cool summer night.I was studying "Entropy & Free Energy" for my final exams which are scheduled after a month or so.Chemistry for me has particularly been a subject that's difficult to study but yet is interesting in its own respect.So..after about three hours or so I finished reading the whole chapter and at the end of the chapter, like a final point there was this small paragraph. The first sentence of that paragraph simply asked,
"why do things happens the way they do?"
I nodded my head in amusement as I thought it was a really interesting question.Why do the things happen the way they do.Why?

The answer was written just below the question and it simply said: "because its the most probable way."
I pondered and nodded my head again as it further stated that an ice melts because there are a lot more ways thru which it can melt than the ways through which it can unmelt.
More the ways something can happen higher the probability for it to happen.
I was amazed by this explanation, its a way of defining the "2nd law of Thermodynamics" but it can also be used to define so many things that we think shouldn't have happened.But they did happen; simply because there were a lot more ways in which it could happen.
Take for example anything.Why didn't you lose your virginity by 25, because there were a lot more ways in which you couldn't lose your virginity compared to the ways in which you could lose your virginity.
Similarly it answers almost all the questions that asks why a certain thing has happened.Amazing isn't it.Try for yourself.Think of a question that asks why did this happen.And calm yourself by the Universal explanation of the 2nd law of thermodynamics or simply because there were a lot more ways in which it could happen,so it HAPPENED.
No wonder why MURPHY'S LAW works so well.
So..cheer up.Its not your own fault.Its a RULE.It's UNIVERSAL.and it happens to anybody.Don't let yourself down just because things didn't go the way you wanted it to go.Cheer up and just think of the 100,000 ways in which it could've been even worse.So..why sweat.
REMEMBER the 2nd Law and simply say: "because there were alot more ways by which it could happen so it happened."http://www.blogs.se/img/smilies/graybigrazz.gif:P:P

Candles dance in the dark night sky
Gusts of wind sweep in and vie
A thunder pounds in the sky
as wolves through the vigilant trees wail & cry

The tempest echoes a breath at night
and through whispers in a dream
shalt seek solace in secrets told
Of a haunted truth that slowly unfolds.

Inquitous histroy of the house is known
Stories of an archaic ghost are told
She lies alone at dark
with the breathing forest surrounding the arc.

she sleeps beyond the grace of god
and knows not she lies on the satan's bed.
Twelfth moon arose and the satan smiles
for now its him who rules the dark skies.

The Satan moves and opens his wings
For he lusts blood in the stormy wind.
Death sings to her as she sleeps
The satan shows no mercy as he leaps.

Candles dance in the dark night sky
Gusts of wind sweep in and vie
A shrill is heard from the room into the flurry of leaves.
With the perfume of flesh on the murderous breeze.

comments are warmly welcomed..

Upon the dark skies
she sees wrath
for she mourns the lengthening shadow

Darkness swept through the trees
Into the castle near the seas
Death-wish comes into her mind
For she mourns the lengthening shadow

When the sun wept upon the waveless lake
And the mists steal in with ease
She sees wrath upon the skies
and mourns the lengthening shadows at night

When the Storms in midnight howl
Tears of death on her face prowls
As the dusk ravish the light
She keeps weeping the shadows at night

An angel took her love away
as death lured her and is here to stay
Hopes and dreams she has lost all
as she suffers a confessional mime

Eyes full of curses for her lover's killers by choice
Who fell to their sin o'er her vision and voice.

She mourns the lengthening shadows by night
in the crimsoning visions of candle-light.

Its the 9th day.. since the movement began. The 7 political parties that started it has now grown to thousands and thousands of people protesting everyday.All over the country people have been gathering on the streets daily,shouting chants against the monarchy and are wanting the abolishment of the King.Everyday thousands of people are beaten up and battered by the riot police but it doesn't seem to have a single effect on the people's movement.Students,government staffs,social activist,housewives..everyone seems to have joined the MOVEMENT now.Roads are blocked,Public properties are devestated,tires are burnt,tear gas rules the streets....

The riots and protests are continuing, more and more people are taking part it seems. Fortunately our area has been as a safe haven, there has been nothing here..not even a squeak. There was riots around the Sanepa area day before yesterday i.e. around Kaalo pool area ..there was firing at that incident too.

People are more and more getting fueled up as the protesters have been successful in their protest till now. Major number of vehicles and shops remain closed.and from yesterday banks also have been closed for half day. Schools and colleges remain closed.

The prices of everything has soared up. From fuel to vegetables to meat to fruits...everything... everything's prices have soared up.. and rumor has it Katmandu doesn't have enough stocks for the coming months. Trucks have been halted to the valley..and everything keeps getting expensive.

Mutton until last week was about 350 rupees/kg and now ..it has reached 500. Salt one packet used to cost a mere 10 rupees now its 50 RUPEES!!(and thats also not available)...onions have reached about 80 rupees a kilo or something... but fourtunately we've got all the necessary items on time.

The King isn't spitting a word out..inspite of all the daily riots. He's just calm and smiling..as if it was all his plan.On the other hand people are becoming more and more confident about the move and massive rallies are being held daily.People are beaten up daily.But still....its all on the Kathmandu side...Lalitpur is quiet comparitively..although Kalanki,jawlakhel and other major areas have been hot spots.

Regardless of all these...life for me has been normal excluding all the boredom that I feel day after day watching the same re-runs on TV, strumming the same chords on guitar and listenin to the same songs again and again.

The country's situation is on a verge for a change. The only catch is..we dont know what that change is.Either the people are going to win or the military will sieze control.well lets see what happens....

I feel we are on the verge of a major revolution and oh yes..there will be bloodshed!
check: www.ekantipur.com for more information.

...
so there I was, completely blown away by those AC/DC songs.It was time to listen to the mix tape now.I played it and felt as if I was on a journey....an adventure.The songs pumped up your adrenalin and lifted your soul.Other events were quite easy to predict...following my obsession for ROCK. I went on to a nearby small audio store. They had this stack full of cassettes(remember CDs weren't that BIG at that place, at that time).Like a child on a candyshop, my eyes gleamed as I saw the Rock Music section.Led Zeppelin,Ironmaiden,AC/DC,Deep Purple,Van Halen,The Ramones,The doors,The Rolling Stones,Black Sabbath,Jimi Hendrix Experience.... everyone of them was lined up neatly.I couldn't take my eyes off any of them. The covers had their own mysticism that completely hypnotized me.
In the next few months I'd slowly but steadily managed to save a few bucks and buy each and every album on that rack...well not exactly every album, but I got most of them..and since then began what has been a change in my life-style.
..I learned to play Guitar.I began with the cheap acoustic kinds and have since then progressed to an electric one.
Music remained big in my life.Led Zeppelin became my identity and guitars my obession.I played at a few local concerts..and 5 years since then ROCK still remains in my soul.and UK in particular remains the place..like a holy soil...most of the great rockers that were and that are...are from there.

Well..I know..Rock music has lost its scene.there are a hell lotta pop and rap shit around..and thats wat saddens me.There are some rock groups.But what about these alternative or modern rock bands.Keep listening to their song for more than 7 times..and you feel like puking.It hasn't got the attitude,the melody,the sound of hard rock..which you can keep listening to forever and it still has enough to pump up every goddamn adrenalin in your body.

It was in the late 90s... when I finally got over the sappy pop songs on my playlist(I was 13 at that time) and heard a few good numbers by Def Leppard(still sappy but Rock in some sense). I was impressed by their music...and paid special attetion to the guitar riffs and solos. Heard 'em again and again. Liked them and began discovering Rock music and in some sense a ~new WAY of Life~.

Through some friends' advice and other "hear abouts" I managed to get an AC/DC tape..and a mix tape(comprising some best ROCK songs according to my friend).. I put on the AC/DC record first..and the firt song I heard was "back in black"...it exploded through the speakers and left me awestruck.The crunchy guitar riffs..the pitchy voice..the ecstatic drum beats...all at the same time left me nothing more than being spellbound. I was hipnotized..is this wat they call HARD ROCK..the ultimate genre that lifted each soul throughout the 70s 80s and early 90s.

...to be continued.

seven seas away...and in a completely different time zone.

.. the scence is: am on the eve of new year on this part of the world.and....
Everything is silent.Everyone's asleep.and its only 11:33pm.thats the situation here.No balls are dropping.and noone's counting from 10 to 1..as the clock acheingly shifts all its hands to 12.Noone's kissing eachother as the 365 days renew itself..and as new calenders are hung-fresh, still smelling of new print.
Most of the lights are turned off in the neighbourhood.People dont care.They're just too tired of all the day's work.
Students like me and other youngsters are just too indifferent.Heck! its new year's eve on this part of the world.Who cares? The whole western society doesn't care. There's nothing special for this New Year's eve on TV.so..what kinda eve is this?? we think..and so do I.

here I am blogging in a website that's not even of my country.No I am not a loser..neither is my country.But this is just the way things are here.Tomorrow morning maybe people will get up early.Buy themselves some good grocery,a bottle of wine maybe..make themselves some good dish: kebab maybe..or simple dal bhaat with a twist.Either way.. there will nothing be like..thousands of people on the streets watching expensive fireworks besides a popular monument and/or counting in a single chant with the trampleing of feet and various instruments sounding together like a full orchestra.

No nothing of that sort is happening.Or will happen.Taking consideration of the night curfews it will not.
But anyways..it is still new years eve, and its our new year.So what, if people here dont like night life. So what, if there is always a curfew throughout the whole capital from 11pm. So what. It can't let my spirits down. Sure I have a list of new year's resolutions, which I will try and keep this time. Anyhow... I still have 6 minutes till I jump about in my room..and disturb a few people's sleep by calling them at 12.so until then.. let me just post this message up... and heck who needs a new year eve's parade..for me the FRIENDS re-run will do just the same.

Have a great NEW YEAR from this part of the world.CHEERS!!